God has a plan- and his plan is ME

On more days than I would like to admit- I wonder what God could POSSIBLY be thinking. That I am not cut out for this Fostering thing.

Let me confess something to you.

I am flawed. DEEPLY flawed. I have a serious disdain for all things housekeeping, and I'm lazy a lot more than I'd like to admit. I've come a long way since having kids- but let me tell you that I am NOT June Cleaver. I'm lucky to get the kids out the door before the bus honks at us- and if they all happen to have lunches- I'm THRILLED. I'm a freaking mess. But I take it one day at a time, and I'm learning as I go.

And sometimes, my flaws can cause a lot of distress and strife around this house- because our 12 yr old does NOT handle change, or not getting things her way.

So today- when I was tired and laid in bed more than I should have (why yes, my kids did watch an insane amount of TV today) she didn't handle it well.
When I had to change dinner plans after telling her I was making her favorite dish, she outright refused to eat the other thing I made.

When I forget to wash her clothes in a timely manner and she has very little clean- she flat out loses it.

When I don't clean very much that day- but still request her to do her nightly chore- I get an hour long lecture on how I'm disgusting.

I think to myself on these days- that maybe if she had a Mom who could handle this housework and laundry and 4 kids thing- that MAYBE she would do better. Maybe she would be able to handle the small chores because the rest of the house would be clean.

And sometimes- on days like today- when I get down because she has a bad moment, I start to think that maybe I'm not the right Mom for her.

But then I hear this still small voice. This voice that tells me that GOD HAS A PLAN. And that he handpicked my children for me. Each and every one of my kids has a story that started before me. And each one God picked to be my child. And the same goes with R. She may not handle change now, or mess- or God forbid- my ability to sometimes forget that her cheerleading uniform should have been washed last night- BUT just maybe, she will grow up and be able to tolerate other peoples flaws.

Because despite all my flaws, I love her FIERCELY. On my good days- I stand in front of her while she screams at me and I tell her OVER AND OVER, " I LOVE YOU. THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE. SO BRING.IT.ON."

And maybe, she will grow up to see that everyone has flaws. And that I make mistakes. But I acknowledge my flaws, and I work to change them. And I keep going. And keep Loving. Because that is what God created me to do.